Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
