i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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