hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
