He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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