Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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