Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
