4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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