Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
