that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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