im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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