...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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