just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
