I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
