soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
