he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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