I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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