My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize