The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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