The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
