It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
