She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
