I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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