I got chris browned last night
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
