you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
