A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
