Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
