I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
