What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
