Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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