You work out of a Hotel?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
