I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
