I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
