im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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