you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
