You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
