I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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