I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
