My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
