I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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