Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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