i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
