2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize