I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
