Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
