I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
