he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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