So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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