Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
