oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
