I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
